…you’d least like to be apprenticed to
Originally published as “The West’s Worst Magi Awards” in Tradetalk #2
Copyright © 1997 by Michael O’Brien and Trevor Ackerly
1. Magnotoglist the Eternal, Stygian wizard of Ralios
…after labouring for him for many years, Etzil the Gormless discovered his master was merely an illusion of long duration.
2. Amorous Freddi Lush, Galvosti magus of Daran
…whose selection criteria for new apprentices is biased toward their physical beauty; unfortunately, during his casting couch “interviews”, he tends to use the Tap spell to prolong his vigour.
3. Archdeacon Lumbargo of Karia
…whose menagerie of familars includes a wraith, a ghoul, a hellion and several walktapi, none of whom are house-trained…
4. Cool Froodie Dude, the surf-master of Pithdaros
…who loved the beach so much he created his familiar from a grain of sand. Unfortunately he lost it, and now his wide-eyed apprentices scour the Seshnelan coast looking for it with Mystic Vision spells of tortuous duration and intensity.
5. Kilwin the Skint, wandering wizard of Mortasor
…who shrinks his apprentices to save on food costs.
6. Lady Magus Vivian Morte, St Chalana’s Hospital, Perfe
…whose apprentices draw lots for the honour of being the next corpse upon which she forlornly makes another attempt to sorcerously duplicate the Resurrect spell.
7. The Drooling Magus of Nochet
…who after creating his familar became a dribbling idiot after inadvertently gifting it with too much of his INT. Now, his pussy cat familiar is off to see the world, and his apprentices are left to care for a mental vegetable…
… and there was always Zzabur, who never taught any of his apprentices Skin of Life…
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